The volutes of an ionic column’s capital were thought to have been inspired by the curve of a ram’s horns. But when Helen Adamidou has a naked male’s demonstration of sacred spot massage positioned between two palatial shafts, you can’t help but connect the rolling scrollwork with the circular stroke—well, you’ll get the idea, especially after the jump. To the gymnasia!
Sometimes, I really miss being an undergrad at art school. You know how there was always that one stoner girl who got along with everyone but you never really see anymore and was just such a reassuring bundle of warmth and humor? Like, she’d be totally zoned-out during a group critique of something ridiculous but manage to give the illusion that she was paying undivided attention to whatever was going on. And if that happened to be a performance art piece that involved the artist dancing topless in her underwear while wearing an oversized bunny head (because, it’s like, about reclaiming the iconography of Playboy or something) she would think it was really good. Until, of course, you made eye contact with her and then neither of you would be able to stop laughing.
Anyway, this GIF doesn’t look like it’s from an art school studio, but it totally captures that vibe.
This is a butt eating snacks…. But yeah, trying to eat in a wig always sucks because wig hair will totally get caught in your mouth. 
Some curatorial statements are more clear than others. Based on the one curator Osman Can Yerebakan produced for the exhibition “Night’s Days” at AC Institute, we’re not sure what the show is supposed to be about. Judging by the content, I’d guess it has something to do with technology and what people do at night. A lot of fuck. As it happens, fucking and technology is the focus of Faith Holland’s work, so she’s a natural fit for the show. A few GIFs below.
Faith Holland, Sticky Keyboard (from Dirty Blingees series), 2015, Animated GIF
Faith Holland, dickpic (from Dirty Blingees series), 2015, Animated GIF
Faith Holland, Anal Mouse Romance (from Dirty Blingees series), 2015, Animated GIF
Faith Holland, Ookie GIF (from Ookie Canvas series), 2015, Animated GIF
Earlier today, I mentioned that substitute art teacher Allison Wint had been fired in Michigan for using the word “vagina” while discussing Georgia O’Keeffe’s paintings. Total bullshit. As such, I’m dedicating this week’s NSFW GIF of the Hump Day to Allison and the administration of Harper Creek Middle School (a school that will now forever have a “Google Problem“).
These Vag-centric GIFs come from Louis Markoya, once a protege of Salvador Dalí, who has worked in lenticular printing since the 1970s. Markoya’s work is self-described “Surrealist and Nuclear Mystical Art” and “Mathemysticism”. I’m not sure what that means, but Markoya sure makes some trippy vagina GIFs:
Above, “Evolution of the Strange Attractor”.
Below, two “Ornamengenitalia,” described as “vaginas of the wives of King Louis XIV, where he found his Baroque inspiration.”
It’s Frieze Week, which means we’re pretty busy and tired. So here’s the laziest possible NSFW GIF of the Hump Day: a result from Google Image Searching “animated butt”.
Is it possible there’s an alternate universe in weird hentai where the vagina power teachings of Alexyss K. Tylor intersect? Yes, there is. And we’re not talking about real jack rabbits here. More after the jump.
I’m no hentai expert, but a lot of it seems to involve really bouncy big boobs. So it was interesting in discovering this Tumblr devoted to awkward Japanese porn GIFs this subset of hentai where there’s vagina power at play. Like this above. The steroid gloved fist is a weird allusion to mpreg fantasies, sans pregnant male, but nonetheless evokes that inexplicable level of don’t-fuck-with-me-right-now-or-I’ll-punch-your-head-off PMS rage.
See? Even the nubile has vagina power. She just shoots out lasers.
It’s kind of annoying that the vagina power here is reliant on a fully dressed male figure’s activation. But I believe this IRL example is dependant on the female’s cooperation, and demonstrates the vagina-power-as-weapon trope.
But honestly? Vagina power is really about the way in which our inner self continually hides inside our outer self. How you tap that is up to you, but probably daily mindfulness and introspective helps. Arguably, this above GIF also suggests that alongside vagina power, there’s anus power. But if you look closely, this tailwind force is grounded by the horizontal axis of vagina power. Also, isn’t it amazing how the inner self representation here has a full bush?
For over a year now, I’ve devoted an embarrassingly sizable chunk of my waking life to seeking out the strangest GIFs I can find for AFC’s readers. But this might just take the cake. What appears to be, at first glance, a scantily-clad hunk riding a Segway is revealed to be a scantily-clad hunk riding another scantily-clad hunk, with a laser-shooting baby face for a crotch. Huh.
I don’t know who made this, but if you do, please let me know in the comments!
Cosplay brings such a level of realness to superheroes. If ever you wondered how Wolverine would get it on with Mystique, well, now you know. (Warning: the embedded link is NSFW.) And veering away from Marvel to DC universe, let’s talk about how those heroine bustier tops wouldn’t cut it in real life. Which is why I appreciate this fan girl’s joyful IDGAF demonstration of what happens when she attempts the iconic spin before heading out to the comic con after party.
This is honestly the best Wonder Woman spin. All she needs is a slow dissolve and high flute note and she’s good.
In April, processed food-obsessed duo LAZY MOM collaborated with art and design studio Eyebodega on “SFW” GIFs for GIPHY. Picture, if you will, a colorful birdhouse giving fellatio to an un-peeled banana, or a donut-like nipple pestle. (At least that’s how I interpreted the tweaked kitchenware — at first I thought it was a rock used for a game of curling.)
It seems LAZY MOM has continued to give perverse food stylings to engineered foods filled with chemicals and additives, this time focusing on the arrow-like adventures of an errant hot dog wiener. More after the jump.
The heaving foil and torn multi-grain bread slice suggests the tensions a quick slip of an uncooked wiener can cause as it escapes a BBQ’s hot charcoal grill and other food prep commitments.
This is what happens when you roll into a olive mortadella orgy.
The GIFs all seem to be from LAZY MOM’s stop-motion video, where the wiener penetrates blocks of bright orange cheddar cheese, slips through bagel holes, and even cracks open an eggplant.
Porntendo is maintained by an elusive figure who GIFs gay porn. Much of the archive features tags like “just bros being bros” (NSFW) or my personal favourite, “it’s a slow-burn fanfic.” Porntendo is especially thorough, even tagging GIFs based on their pixel-widths.
Of particular interest, however, are their growing collection of GIFs from old Bob Mizer softcore films. The queer pioneer basically invented “beefcake” photography, and seeing these GIFs is a Stonewall time capsule of joyful penis swinging.
In the animal kingdom, detachable penises are fairly common. Look at the argonaut. This species of octopus have polarizing size difference between genders: the female can grow as large as four inches, while the male can only grow 3/4 inch. So when the male wants to mate, his hectocotylus fills up with sperm, but then will detach from its body in order to insert itself in the female’s pallial cavity. This is sadly the male’s only chance: he typically dies soon after mating, while the female lives long and prosperous.
This is all being said in light of Jessica Wilson‘s “Tongue Penis”, a GIF that was included in Rollin Leonard‘s Anatomize GIF show, which closed out his Trunks, Stems & Heads solo at Transfer in 2013. (Full disclosure: I was among the 50 participating artists in the show.) Here, the detachable swimming penis spars with a tongue, with neither body part making contact. GIF after the jump.
It’s been almost a year since we started our weekly tradition of posting a “NSFW GIF of the Hump Day“. In all that time, I can’t believe it never occurred to me to reach out to GIF maven Lorna Mills and see what NSFW goodies she has in her expansive GIF collection.
Until today.
And holy shit, how the floodgates have opened. Lorna’s work is like the entire internet compressed into jagged little pills our eyes must swallow. That means there’s a whole lotta porn in there. And puppies! And also dicks fucking a trombone, people masturbating on bicycles, and all manner of creatures fucking every conceivable thing that’s ever been compressed into 256 gloriously dithered colors.
If the GIFs below aren’t enough NSFW images for you, check out this webpage—titled She’s Met 50 Men on the Internet. 50 Men. —Lorna composed into a GIF-tastic symphony of depravity. Appropriately, it was created in response to the curatorial query “What is ‘Internet’?”
Detail from the installation “Ungentrified” for Nuit Blanche at OCAD, Toronto.
“Linguine Prima Vera”
Detail from the series “Party Manners,” installed at Western Front in Vancouver.
Detail from the installation “Ungentrified” for Nuit Blanche at OCAD, Toronto.
“I Five You”
Okay, this GIF shouldn’t be considered NSFW at all, but today is Frida Kahlo’s birthday and it’s the only vaguely “inappropriate” animated GIF I can find, shockingly. It’s a scene from the 2002 biopic Frida, depicting a mostly-clothed Salma Hayek in the titular role painting a topless self-portrait while smoking a cigarette. Why would this possibly be NSFW? Because Facebook hates art historical nudity. Paddy knows all-too-well how annoying violating Facebook’s decency rules can be.
You know who else would hate Facebook’s censorship rules? Frida Kahlo, who would be 109 today. She would probably come up with some incredibly original NSFW revenge tableau to post all over their servers. Because Frida was a badass. She was such a badass that a documentary about her life and work even sparked controversy in the supposedly-ultra-liberal Portland school district earlier this year. One can only imagine how escandalosa Kahlo must have been during the first half of the 20th century. And she probably gave zero fucks about it.
Rest In Power, Frida!
Wow! If oral sex was an olympic sport judged along the same parameters as ice dancing, this couple would win the gold.
Hope everyone is having a very happy Republican National Convention!
If you’ve ever wondered why the RNC is such a shitshow out on the floor and in the street, consider that Republican politicians tend to use the assigned shitting room for other activities. You know, bodily functions other than the ones trans people would desperately like to be able to perform in peace.
So in honor of the RNC, here’s a GIF tribute to public restroom cruising:
It’s weird though… isn’t the whole point of anonymous sex the fact that you don’t know who’s on the other side of the bathroom stall?
But at the RNC, it’s almost guaranteed that the person on the other side of the gloryhole is an old white dude…
It’s Frieze Week, which means we’re pretty busy and tired. So here’s the laziest possible NSFW GIF of the Hump Day: a result from Google Image Searching “animated butt”.
Okay, when we warn that this is a NSFW GIF of the Hump Day post, we mean it. There are tons of dicks after the jump.
That being said, this is one of the weirdest online subcultures we’ve stumbled across in a while, and for that we love it. People like using their smartphones for two things: sexting and playing Pokémon GO. Now, there’s a Tumblr that combines both: Poképeen! Basically, a community of Pokémon/dick pic enthusiasts attempt to catch the augmented reality critters on their dicks and send documentation to whatever sick genius runs the blog.
Brace yourselves for serious full-frontal male nudity, complete with Pidgeys swooping in to perch.
I don’t think we’ll ever cease to be amazed by all the weird ways Rollin Leonard has digitized, manipulated, and reproduced representations of the flesh sacks we call human bodies. This GIF is kinda what sex would be like if humans were buffering video streams that reproduced by reverse mitosis. Some day, we may be.
Different office standards abound. What’s NSFW for some offices won’t cause others to bat an eye. Today’s GIF is a test: Is a butt enough for NSFW status? Judge for yourself with this tastefully pivoting nude, a snippet from Matthew Wrath’s Computers Club landing page.
